‘After I was born, my dad burned the placenta in the backyard garden, experienced a shandy and a cigarette with the midwife and climbed into bed with my mum for two days’
Very last 7 days, in protest at getting dragged away from an hour-extended Blippi marathon (the one particular-time gross-out comedian-turned-kids’ YouTube feeling is really worth an estimated $20 million — not terrible for a man whose previous assert to fame was filming himself defecating on a friend), my three-12 months-old threw a Duplo block at my head and bellowed, “In yer gap, Mummy!” In the meantime, his 20-month aged brother opted for a more literal interpretation of “potty mouth”. Sauntering into the kitchen area sporting nothing but a vest and brandishing a rest room brush in his chubby grip, he proudly gestured at the smear of brown throughout his cheeks. Dread not — it was the lesser of two horrors. My husband had forgotten to near the gate to the rooster coop and the toddler, ever the adventurous eater, thought the girls’ droppings looked far more attractive than his supper.